Now You Know
by thecauldronmeasuringoffice
Summary: Everyone has secrets. Everyone.
1. The Flammable First

**1. The Flammable First – easily set on fire**

Vernon Dursley

Vernon Dursley ... has a daughter

Vernon Dursley ... likes his nephew

Vernon Dursley ... says no to his son

Vernon Dursley ... wants to sing opera

Vernon Dursley ... is a member of SPEW

_Now you know ... Vernon Dursley_

Petunia Dursley

Petunia Dursley ... has a 'Weird Sisters' shirt

Petunia Dursley ... likes to visit her sister's grave

Petunia Dursley ... says my neighbours are scandalous to anyone that will listen

Petunia Dursley ... wants her daughter to go to Hogwarts

Petunia Dursley ... is a nice person

_Now you know ... Petunia Dursley_

Dudley Dursley

Dudley Dursley ... has the world weight record

Dudley Dursley ... likes to read slushy romance

Dudley Dursley ... says it's Big D

Dudley Dursley ... wants the manicure he bullied for

Dudley Dursley ... is a dork

_Now you know ... Dudley Dursley_

Lily Potter

Lily Potter ... has a unibrow

Lily Potter ... likes hanging with the Marauders

Lily Potter ... says no to James Potter

Lily Potter ... wants your shoes

Lily Potter ... is having an affair with the Giant Squid

_Now you know ... Lily Potter_

James Potter

James Potter ... has no sense of smell

James Potter ... likes Britney Spears' music

James Potter ... says he's giving up on Lily

James Potter ... wants to start a band

James Potter ... is alone and friendless

_Now you know ... James Potter_

**...**

**A/N: I do not own Harry Potter. That's the only time I'm saying it. Hey, you ever think JK writes fanfiction and posts it to see if we like/notice it? We would all definitely get owned... I'm just saying. -Katie**


	2. The Secular Second

**2. The Secular Second – not connected with religion or the church**

Harry Potter

Harry Potter ... has a burning passion for McGonagall

Harry Potter ... likes his best friend You-Know-Who

Harry Potter ... says just get over me to Ginny Weasley

Harry Potter ... wants a facial

Harry Potter ... is a dangerous, violent criminal

_Now you know ... Harry Potter_

Minerva McGonagall

Minerva McGonagall ... has a kitten

Minerva McGonagall ... likes firewhiskey

Minerva McGonagall ... says yes to men in general

Minerva McGonagall ... wants to teach Basket Weaving

Minerva McGonagall ... is suffering from short-term memory loss

_Now you know ... Minerva McGonagall_

Albus Dumbledore

Albus Dumbledore ... has a date with Madam Pomfrey

Albus Dumbledore ... likes to mess with people's minds

Albus Dumbledore ... says NAKED TIME to puppets

Albus Dumbledore ... wants Gandalf to stop stealing his look

Albus Dumbledore ... is a jerk

_Now you know ... Albus Dumbledore_

Dedalus Diggle

Dedalus Diggle ... has a hat collection

Dedalus Diggle ... likes Vernon Dursley's car

Dedalus Diggle ... says he isn't gay to everyone

Dedalus Diggle ... wants to launch fireworks

Dedalus Diggle ... is totally sane

_Now you know ... Dedalus Diggle_

Voldemort

Voldemort ... has a fashion range

Voldemort ... likes to donate to homeless shelters

Voldemort ... says Forgive me, Harry to Harry

Voldemort ... wants to shack up with Bellatrix

Voldemort ... is loving and compassionate

_Now you know ... Voldemort_

**...**

**A/N: Comments? Flames? Sandwiches? (Ones without ham, thanks) I'm doing this in order of mention. So if a character appears (that is at least supporting) then that's the order. McGonagall mentioned Diggle in PS Chapter 1. Which is why he's here, not somewhere else. -Katie**


	3. The Tipsy Third

**3. The Tipsy Third – slightly drunk**

Poppy Pomfrey

Poppy Pomfrey ... has no concern for hygiene

Poppy Pomfrey ... likes to watch Muggle soap operas

Poppy Pomfrey ... says fail to everyone in the hospital wing

Poppy Pomfrey ... wants to move to Vegas

Poppy Pomfrey ... is a unqualified to be a nurse

_Now you know ... Poppy Pomfrey_

Rubeus Hagrid

Rubeus Hagrid ... has a passion for all things small and fluffy

Rubeus Hagrid ... likes to watch the sunset

Rubeus Hagrid ... says that he _has _gotten over Norberta to Charlie

Rubeus Hagrid ... wants a taco

Rubeus Hagrid ... is such a wimp

_Now you know ... Rubeus Hagrid_

Sirius Black

Sirius Black ... has no hair

Sirius Black ... likes it that way

Sirius Black ... says that he was never with Moony

Sirius Black ... wants it to be otherwise

Sirius Black ... is contradictive

_Now you know ... Sirius Black_

Margery Dursley

Margery Dursley ... has 500 000 dogs

Margery Dursley ... likes flying

Margery Dursley ... says that she has a really weak grip

Margery Dursley ... wants one more glass of wine

Margery Dursley ... is neckless

_Now you know ... Margery Dursley_

Arabella Figg

Arabella Figg ... has a pilot's license

Arabella Figg ... likes to bathe in the blood of virgin sacrifices

Arabella Figg ... says she hooked up with Filch

Arabella Figg ... wants to lose her dead end job

Arabella Figg ... is society's reject

_Now you know ... Arabella Figg_

**...**

**A/N: 'Sup? What do you think? I like doing this, it makes me imagine what someone who's only read the first book would think. They'd be all, what the heck is she on about? And we'd be laughing our butts off. -Katie**


	4. The Fastidious Forth

**4. The Fastidious Forth – very fussy about details**

Piers Polkiss

Piers Polkiss ... has an eating disorder

Piers Polkiss ... likes to bake

Piers Polkiss ... says he's not Dudley's minion to his other bosses

Piers Polkiss ... wants to do a cover of Justin Bieber

Piers Polkiss ... is a major wannabe

_Now you know ... Piers Polkiss_

Brazilian Boa Constrictor

Brazilian Boa Constrictor ... has bitten someone

Brazilian Boa Constrictor ... likes to talk to Harry

Brazilian Boa Constrictor ... says he's really bored of being a stowaway

Brazilian Boa Constrictor ... wants a snack

Brazilian Boa Constrictor ... is really bored

_Now you know ... Brazilian Boa Constrictor_

Cornelius Fudge

Cornelius Fudge ... has never made a bad decision

Cornelius Fudge ... likes to sit in his leather, spinney chair

Cornelius Fudge ... says he knows what he's doing

Cornelius Fudge ... wants everyone to do what he says

Cornelius Fudge ... is good at his job

_Now you know ... Cornelius Fudge_

Tom

Tom ... has recently done renovations on the Leaky Cauldron

Tom ... likes to make sure the glasses are well-cleaned

Tom ... says that that he likes his name

Tom ... wants a lollipop

Tom ... is a man of class and distinction

_Now you know ... Tom_

Quirinus Quirrell

Quirinus Quirrell ... has to work on his evil laugh

Quirinus Quirrell ... likes to make daisy chains

Quirinus Quirrell ... says he likes the close relationship with his boss

Quirinus Quirrell ... wants to go to culinary school

Quirinus Quirrell ... is not scared, at all

_Now you know ... Quirinus Quirrell_

**...**

**A/N: (See last chapter) You're reading this. You must either be (a)delusional, (b)bored, (c)tasteless, (d)all of the above, or (e)some of the above. Whichever, you are awesome for reading this. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Not even me. -Katie**


	5. The Fundamental Fifth

**5. The Fundamental Fifth – essential or primary**

Griphook the Goblin

Griphook the Goblin ... has no sense of humour

Griphook the Goblin ... likes his wand

Griphook the Goblin ... says he does too have one

Griphook the Goblin ... wants a pedicure

Griphook the Goblin ... is working out

_Now you know ... Griphook the Goblin_

Madame Malkin

Madame Malkin ... has come fully prepared for art class

Madame Malkin ... likes being happily 'it's complicated'

Madame Malkin ... says to sew, or not to sew, that is the outfit

Madame Malkin ... wants to kill the fairies from 'Sleeping Beauty'

Madame Malkin ... is launching a magical swimsuit line

_Now you know ... Madame Malkin_

Draco Malfoy

Draco Malfoy ... has two left feet

Draco Malfoy ... likes Harry Potter

Draco Malfoy ... says that being a ferret is actually fun

Draco Malfoy ... wants Hermione Granger

Draco Malfoy ... is respectful of social minorities

_Now you know ... Draco Malfoy_

Hedwig the Owl

Hedwig the Owl ... has a craving for chocolate frogs

Hedwig the Owl ... likes her cage

Hedwig the Owl ... says owls can't talk

Hedwig the Owl ... wants to get a tan

Hedwig the Owl ... is hungry

_Now you know ... Hedwig the Owl_

Ollivander

Ollivander ... has a mad wife locked in his attic

Ollivander ... likes working under pressure

Ollivander ... says he'll make wands for anyone

Ollivander ... wants his wand back

Ollivander ... is smiling at you

_Now you know ... Ollivander_

**...**

**A/N: 'Sup? I wrote these last 5 chapters in 12 hours. I'll see if I can get ten more out in a day. Later. –Katie. Later note: The revamp of the first twelve chapters was done over the course of two days.**


	6. The Scathing Sixth

**6. The Scathing Sixth – harshly critical**

Ginny Weasley

Ginny Weasley ... has kleptomania

Ginny Weasley ... likes to serial date

Ginny Weasley ... says that she has soooooooo gotten over Harry

Ginny Weasley ... wants to kill Cho Chang and Hermione Granger

Ginny Weasley ... is rumoured to be psychotic

_Now you know ... Ginny Weasley_

Molly Weasley

Molly Weasley ... has not had enough kids

Molly Weasley ... likes Gilderoy Lockhart

Molly Weasley ... says she wants to move to Madrid

Molly Weasley ... wants to get rid of her clock

Molly Weasley ... is unusually giggly today

_Now you know ... Molly Weasley_

Percy Weasley

Percy Weasley ... has no soul

Percy Weasley ... likes Barty Crouch

Percy Weasley ... says Harry Potter is really nice

Percy Weasley ... wants to spread Dumbledore's word

Percy Weasley ... is included in family activities

_Now you know ... Percy Weasley_

Fred Weasley

Fred Weasley ... has a brother

Fred Weasley ... likes change, especially the monetary kind

Fred Weasley ... says he'll let Molly Weasley have full rein at his wedding

Fred Weasley ... wants more money from Harry Potter

Fred Weasley ... is setting up a heavenly lingerie boutique

_Now you know ... Fred Weasley_

George Weasley

George Weasley ... has a monkey

George Weasley ... likes things staying the same, especially prices

George Weasley ... says that Percy isn't a prat

George Weasley ... wants more customers

George Weasley ... is in Egypt

_Now you know ... George Weasley_

**...**

**A/N: Hey. I actually can't remember whether I've mentioned this before, but I don't remember where the idea for this story came from. -Katie**


	7. The Sililant Seventh

**7. The Sililant Seventh – hissing **

Ron Weasley

Ron Weasley ... has never been jealous in his life

Ron Weasley ... likes corned beef

Ron Weasley ... says he does want to go around with 'my sweetheart' around his neck

Ron Weasley ... wants to read

Ron Weasley ... is enjoying his Red Vines

_Now you know ... Ron Weasley_

Neville Longbottom

Neville Longbottom ... has mad skillz

Neville Longbottom ... likes to beat up Draco Malfoy

Neville Longbottom ... says he technically defeated Voldemort

Neville Longbottom ... wants a mango

Neville Longbottom ... is beating up Draco Malfoy

_Now you know ... Neville Longbottom_

Augusta Longbottom

Augusta Longbottom ... has even madder skillz

Augusta Longbottom ... likes to wrestle Acromantula

Augusta Longbottom ... says that her grandson can be who he wants to be

Augusta Longbottom ... wants to earn her last gold star

Augusta Longbottom ... is dyeing her hair blue

_Now you know ... Augusta Longbottom_

Lee Jordan

Lee Jordan ... has written an epic poem

Lee Jordan ... likes to pat his tarantula

Lee Jordan ... says the Slytherins are cheating

Lee Jordan ... wants a dreadlocked moustache

Lee Jordan ... is totally fair and unbiased

_Now you know ... Lee Jordan_

Bill Weasley

Bill Weasley ... has no tattoos

Bill Weasley ... likes Earl Grey tea

Bill Weasley ... says that he hates goblins

Bill Weasley ... wants his wife and girlfriend to never meet

Bill Weasley ... is annoying

_Now you know ... Bill Weasley_

**...**

**A/N: Still less than a day's writing.- Katie. Later note: It's been so long since I actually wrote anything new for this.**


	8. The Evanescent Eighth

**8. The Evanescent Eighth – quickly fading away**

Charlie Weasley

Charlie Weasley ... has a nice complexion

Charlie Weasley ... likes himself

Charlie Weasley ... says there's enough of him to go around

Charlie Weasley ... wants to go around

Charlie Weasley ... is a certified ladies' man

_Now you know ... Charlie Weasley_

Peter Pettigrew

Peter Pettigrew ... has a superiority complex

Peter Pettigrew ... likes to maintain his hygiene

Peter Pettigrew ... says his hair is coloured, really

Peter Pettigrew ... wants his own paraphernalia

Peter Pettigrew ... is sharpening his special back-stabbing knives

_Now you know ... Peter Pettigrew_

Hermione Granger

Hermione Granger ... has a tattoo

Hermione Granger ... likes extreme sports

Hermione Granger ... says she secretly hates books

Hermione Granger ... wants to start a modelling agency

Hermione Granger ... is wearing stolen lingerie from Fred's shop

_Now you know ... Hermione Granger_

Vincent Crabbe

Vincent Crabbe ... has a brain

Vincent Crabbe ... likes to study the habits of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack

Vincent Crabbe ... says he can tell the difference between Goyle and statue

Vincent Crabbe ... wants to learn to read

Vincent Crabbe ... is not an idiot

_Now you know ... Vincent Crabbe_

Gregory Goyle

Gregory Goyle ... has a pet pony

Gregory Goyle ... likes to do arts and crafts

Gregory Goyle ... says he agrees

Gregory Goyle ... wants some felt-tip pens

Gregory Goyle ... is very manly

_Now you know ... Gregory Goyle_

**...**

**A/N: Still not a day. But if anyone's wondering why I'm posting these a week apart, it's to get more readers. You know? -Katie**


	9. The Nascent Ninth

**9. The Nascent Ninth – starting to grow or develop**

Peeves the Poltergeist

Peeves the Poltergeist ... has always wanted a paintball gun

Peeves the Poltergeist ... likes to help the students to their classrooms

Peeves the Poltergeist ... says what he says politely

Peeves the Poltergeist ... wants to be a very useful spirit

Peeves the Poltergeist ... is enjoying his stint in emotional rehab

_Now you know ... Peeves the Poltergeist_

Nearly Headless Nick

Nearly Headless Nick ... has no fashion sense

Nearly Headless Nick ... likes to waltz with his trout

Nearly Headless Nick ... says he admits he isn't properly decapitated

Nearly Headless Nick ... wants his last meal

Nearly Headless Nick ... is not a ghost, just physically absent

_Now you know ... Nearly Headless Nick_

Hannah Abbot

Hannah Abbot ... has a large knowledge of curses

Hannah Abbot ... likes to perform illegal rituals

Hannah Abbot ... says something in Russian

Hannah Abbot ... wants a duelling wand

Hannah Abbot ... is rather violent

_Now you know ... Hannah Abbot_

Susan Bones

Susan Bones ... has the world record for longest piece of gum chewed ever

Susan Bones ... likes the strawberry flavours best

Susan Bones ... says the record is three years

Susan Bones ... wants to make it longer

Susan Bones ... is putting people off

_Now you know ... Susan Bones_

Terry Boot

Terry Boot ... has one friend

Terry Boot ... likes that one friend

Terry Boot ... says that he is taken, by someone, OK?

Terry Boot ... wants to beat Susan's record

Terry Boot ... is friends with Susan Bones

_Now you know ... Terry Boot_

**...**

**A/N: 'Sup? Here you go. –Katie**


	10. The Tepid Tenth

**10. The Tepid Tenth – slightly warm**

Lavender Brown

Lavender Brown ... has a black belt in karate

Lavender Brown ... likes to dismantle cars

Lavender Brown ... says it wasn't her

Lavender Brown ... wants it to be

Lavender Brown ... is a girly, girl

_Now you know ... Lavender Brown_

Millicent Bulstrode

Millicent Bulstrode ... has won a beauty pagent

Millicent Bulstrode ... likes her prize

Millicent Bulstrode ... says she won it without cheating

Millicent Bulstrode ... wants to win without cheating

Millicent Bulstrode ... is scheming

_Now you know ... Millicent Bulstrode_

Justin Finch-Fletchley

Justin Finch-Fletchley ... has a trumpet

Justin Finch-Fletchley ... likes eggs

Justin Finch-Fletchley ... says when in doubt, black is the new black

Justin Finch-Fletchley ... wants to help Hermione with her modelling agency

Justin Finch-Fletchley ... is also stealing lingerie for her

_Now you know ... Justin Finch-Fletchley_

Seamus Finnigan

Seamus Finnigan ... has a drinking problem

Seamus Finnigan ... likes pumpkin juice too much

Seamus Finnigan ... says he's not after anyone's Lucky Charms

Seamus Finnigan ... wants more juice

Seamus Finnigan ... is Hawaiian

_Now you know ... Seamus Finnigan_

Theodore Nott

Theodore Nott ... has a twitch

Theodore Nott ... likes yellow

Theodore Nott ... says that he totally didn't know about Malfoy

Theodore Nott ... wants to be in Hufflepuff

Theodore Nott ... is looking at you strangely

_Now you know ... Theodore Nott_

**...**

**A/N: It was a day from about Nearly Headless Nick. Later. –Katie. Later note: I was writing these while watching a cartoon called Total Drama Island on Youtube. It's pretty good. It's a cartoon that teenagers can enjoy.**


	11. The Ersatz Eleventh

**11. The Ersatz Eleventh – made in imitation**

Pansy Parkinson

Pansy Parkinson ... has an inordinate amount of hair care products

Pansy Parkinson ... likes to seduce random bystanders

Pansy Parkinson ... says yes to everyone within Slytherin reason

Pansy Parkinson ... wants to say yes to everyone without Slytherin reason

Pansy Parkinson ... is a respectable young lady

_Now you know ... Pansy Parkinson_

Parvati Patil

Parvati Patil ... has homicidal thoughts about no one

Parvati Patil ... likes to deny it

Parvati Patil ... says she doesn't

Parvati Patil ... wants the opposite

Parvati Patil ... is indecisive

_Now you know ... Parvati Patil_

Padma Patil

Padma Patil ... has homicidal thoughts about Ron Weasley

Padma Patil ... likes having them

Padma Patil ... says she doesn't

Padma Patil ... wants that not to be a lie

Padma Patil ... is confusing herself

_Now you know ... Padma Patil_

Dean Thomas

Dean Thomas ... has a pencil

Dean Thomas ... likes to waltz with the mop

Dean Thomas ... says stay like that, just like that

Dean Thomas ... wants to steal the moon

Dean Thomas ... is the thirty-seventh most fabulous person ever

_Now you know ... Dean Thomas_

Blaise Zabini

Blaise Zabini ... has a PHD in complaining

Blaise Zabini ... likes someone

Blaise Zabini ... says the Hufflepuffs are covered in bees

Blaise Zabini ... wants to know why

Blaise Zabini ... is too late

_Now you know ... Blaise Zabini_

**...**

**A/N: It's the second day of production, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, everyone knows my name... and I'm lying my pants off. Later note: As it is getting near winter in Oz, the sun is no longer shining.**


	12. The Taupe Twelfth

**12. The Taupe Twelfth – brownish-grey**

The Bloody Baron

The Bloody Baron ... has washed his robes

The Bloody Baron ... likes The Grey Lady

The Bloody Baron ... says Bwahahahahahahaha!

The Bloody Baron ... wants a real sword

The Bloody Baron ... is waiting for a weapon that isn't a machete

_Now you know ... The Bloody Baron_

Severus Snape

Severus Snape ... has braces

Severus Snape ... likes to study astrophysics

Severus Snape ... says he has had a date

Severus Snape ... wants to adopt Harry

Severus Snape ... is creeped out by the people that want him to be with Hermione Granger

_Now you know ... Severus Snape_

Argus Filch

Argus Filch ... has had 23 ½ cats called Mrs. Norris

Argus Filch ... likes the students of Hogwarts

Argus Filch ... says that he's a magical squib

Argus Filch ... wants to hug the Weasley twins

Argus Filch ... is having a tryst with Madam Pince

_Now you know ... Argus Filch_

Rolanda Hooch

Rolanda Hooch ... has never played Quidditch

Rolanda Hooch ... likes to start off the year by causing a student to injure themselves

Rolanda Hooch ... says that she doesn't have contacts

Rolanda Hooch ... wants to move on in life

Rolanda Hooch ... is scared of heights

_Now you know ... Rolanda Hooch_

The Fat Lady

The Fat Lady ... has dreamed of a career as a Grand Prix driver

The Fat Lady ... likes to sit in warm marmalade

The Fat Lady ... says she and Violet are just friends

The Fat Lady ... wants to know where you got your clothes

The Fat Lady ... is not an alcoholic

_Now you know ... The Fat Lady_

**...**

**A/N: So, yeah, the revamp is working. I promised I wouldn't change too much didn't I?**


	13. The Teenage Thirteenth

**13. The Teenage Thirteenth – of the period of life between the ages of 13 and 19**

Mrs. Norris

Mrs. Norris ... has ESP

Mrs. Norris ... likes her mice shaken not stirred

Mrs. Norris ... says cats can't talk either

Mrs. Norris ... wants some cake

Mrs. Norris ... is not amused

_Now you know ... Mrs. Norris_

Pomona Sprout

Pomona Sprout ... has never tasted meat

Pomona Sprout ... likes to watch Strictly Come Dancing

Pomona Sprout ... says she loves all of her plants equally, just some more equally than others

Pomona Sprout ... wants to spread the love

Pomona Sprout ... is working on magical marmite

_Now you know ... Pomona Sprout_

Cuthbert Binns

Cuthbert Binns ... has always been as boring as he is now

Cuthbert Binns ... likes to steal valuable objects from the Department of Mysteries

Cuthbert Binns ... says blah blah Goblin riots blah blah

Cuthbert Binns ... wants to continue saying it in peace

Cuthbert Binns ... is going under the knife

_Now you know ... Cuthbert Binns_

Filius Flitwick

Filius Flitwick ... has stolen that sandwich

Filius Flitwick ... likes to play basketball

Filius Flitwick ... says his first name isn't Yoda

Filius Flitwick ... wants some cheese in his sandwich

Filius Flitwick ... is inventing a more energy-efficient light saber

_Now you know ... Filius Flitwick_

Fang

Fang ... has a problem with his salivation glands

Fang ... likes his friend Max

Fang ... says woof

Fang ... wants to fly

Fang ... is stealing Hagrid's steak

_Now you know ... Fang_

**...**

**A/N: Actual new literature! I was just as excited as you were. Dija like it?**


	14. The Finicky Fourteenth

**14. The Finicky Fourteenth – excessively particular, fussy**

Oliver Wood

Oliver Wood ... has a leaf allergy

Oliver Wood ... likes to hear new jokes about his name

Oliver Wood ... says Lindsey Lohan is iconic

Oliver Wood ... wants to hear the tiny squeaky sound you get when you rub two pickles together

Oliver Wood ... is researching pro chess

_Now you know ... Oliver Wood_

Fluffy

Fluffy ... has multiple personality disorder

Fluffy ... likes to dip Doritoes™ into lemonade

Fluffy ... says that cerburi cannot talk either

Fluffy ... wants a phone

Fluffly ... is updating her status

_Now you know ... Fluffy_

Angelina Johnson

Angelina Johnson ... has worms in her hair

Angelina Johnson ... likes to download apps

Angelina Johnson ... says that she totally knew that it was Fred she dated

Angelina Johnson ... wants to spread feminism

Angelina Johnson ... is the Enema of the State

_Now you know ... Angelina Johnson_

Marcus Flint

Marcus Flint ... has 'Face Milk Moisturising' sun-cream

Marcus Flint ... likes that his name has 'cus' in it

Marcus Flint ... says that he definitely wasn't going after the Gryffindors

Marcus Flint ... wants to paint a picture

Marcus Flint ... is getting his tongue pierced

_Now you know ... Marcus Flint_

Alicia Spinnet

Alicia Spinnet ... has impersonated Steve Irwin

Alicia Spinnet ... likes the feel of dolphin skin

Alicia Spinnet ... says that she could think you under the table

Alicia Spinnet ... wants to ask the Giant Squid out

Alicia Spinnet ... is connecting George's freckles

_Now you know ... Alicia Spinnet_

**...**

**A/N: The chapter right before I go on holiday! I just wanted to get this out there before I leave, I will be writing while I'm gone and the new chapters will be posted when I return. I bid thee good day. – Katie**


	15. The False Fifteenth

**15. The False Fifteenth – not true or correct**

Katie Bell

Katie Bell ... has a pile of junk in her yard

Katie Bell ... likes bubblegum pop

Katie Bell ... says that doing a U-turn is illegal

Katie Bell ... wants a cloud

Katie Bell ... is on the ball

_Now you know ... Katie Bell_

Adrian Pucey

Adrian Pucey ... has no self-discipline

Adrian Pucey ... likes to punch road-signs

Adrian Pucey ... says he totally didn't hang up Doug Henning posters

Adrian Pucey ... wants some ham

Adrian Pucey ... is playing on his Playstation

_Now you know ... Adrian Pucey_

Irma Pince

Irma Pince ... has been very uptight lately

Irma Pince ... likes the sound of silence

Irma Pince ... says that you may eat in the library

Irma Pince ... wants to know where you got your shoes

Irma Pince ... is looking for you

_Now you know ... Irma Pince_

Norberta

Norberta ... has been enjoying Romania

Norberta ... likes Fred and George's dragon-skin jackets

Norberta ... says rawr

Norberta ... wants a pepper imp

Norberta ... is really nice

_Now you know ... Norberta_

Ronan

Ronan ... has tried to tie-dye the owls

Ronan ... likes that tie

Ronan ... says that is still against Firenze, Bane

Ronan ... wants to be a Hollaback girl

Ronan ... is too busy right now

_Now you know ... Ronan_

**...**

**A/N: I'm back everyone! Enjoy. – Katie**

**PS. I can't remember if I mentioned this, but I own nothing, not even the idea.**

**PPS. There probably won't be very many more creative A/N's, I'm bored at life.**


	16. The Sententious Sixteenth

**16. The Sententious Sixteenth – trying to sound wise**

Bane

Bane ... has been hiding something

Bane ... likes to watch Wizards of Waverly Place

Bane ... says that Ronan totally isn't

Bane ... wants to go to Transylvania

Bane ... is listening to Avril Lavigne

_Now you know ... Bane_

Firenze

Firenze ... has been revealing centaur secrets

Firenze ... likes Eric Clapton

Firenze ... says he likes the upper storeys of Hogwarts

Firenze ... wants a pet volcano

Firenze ... is wondering what his age is

_Now you know ... Firenze_

The Giant Squid

The Giant Squid ... has a flying, purple people-eater

The Giant Squid ... likes mint-choc-chip flavoured students

The Giant Squid ... says that he really is Godric Gryffindor

The Giant Squid ... wants a hotdog

The Giant Squid ... is not getting paid enough for this

_Now you know ... The Giant Squid_

Dobby

Dobby ... has been serving fried snake to the Slytherins

Dobby ... likes feeding first-years to Fluffy

Dobby ... says he and Winky are not together

Dobby ... wants his 365 pairs of socks

Dobby ... is singing 'Ding, Dong, The Witch Is Dead'

_Now you know ... Dobby_

Mafalda Hopkirk

Mafalda Hopkirk ... has no recollection of the Ministry's infiltration

Mafalda Hopkirk ... likes to watch Spongebob

Mafalda Hopkirk ... says she doesn't support muggleborns, at all

Mafalda Hopkirk ... wants to do the Monster Mash

Mafalda Hopkirk ... is wearing Converses

_Now you know ... Mafalda Hopkirk_

**...**

**A/N: The chapter for the second week of my hols. I hate my laptop, the 'o' button is screwed up.**


	17. The Sly Seventeenth

**17. The Sly Seventeenth – crafty**

The Ford Anglia

The Ford Anglia ... has no fear

The Ford Anglia ... likes its burrow

The Ford Anglia ... says beep beep!

The Ford Anglia ... wants some chopped liver

The Ford Anglia ... is your worst nightmare

_Now you know ... The Ford Anglia_

Arthur Weasley

Arthur Weasley ... has no idea what guns are for

Arthur Weasley ... likes other wizards

Arthur Weasley ... says he isn't supporting Voldemort, at all

Arthur Weasley ... wants you to shut up

Arthur Weasley ... is burning down a building

_Now you know ... Arthur Weasley_

Errol

Errol ... has always wanted to be more assertive

Errol ... likes watching old films

Errol ... says twit tw-ouch!

Errol ... wants someone that can afford his upkeep

Errol ... is caught in a spiral of depression

_Now you know ... Errol_

Celestina Warbeck

Celestina Warbeck ... has a very evil hideout in Miami

Celestina Warbeck ... likes pina coladas

Celestina Warbeck ... says that her internal organs are leaving her for magic

Celestina Warbeck ... wants to get into the popular music industry

Celestina Warbeck ... is looking for the right face cream

_Now you know ... Celestina Warbeck_

Gilderoy Lockhart

Gilderoy Lockhart ... has definitely done everything he says he has

Gilderoy Lockhart ... likes Molly Weasley back

Gilderoy Lockhart ... says that he's tired of such a materialistic life

Gilderoy Lockhart ... wants to sign some autographs

Gilderoy Lockhart ... is taking his medication

_Now you know ... Gilderoy Lockhart_

**...**

**A/N: Sorry, I'm a week late, guys. I'll make up for it by posting four chapters on today. Cool? – Katie **


	18. The Eminent Eighteenth

**18. The Eminent Eighteenth – distinguished, well-known**

Lucius Malfoy

Lucius Malfoy ... has never believed that muggleborns are beneath him

Lucius Malfoy ... likes the colour turquoise

Lucius Malfoy ... says that you are better than him

Lucius Malfoy ... wants Arthur Weasley's awesome car

Lucius Malfoy ... is talking to some plants

_Now you know ... Lucius Malfoy_

The Whomping Willow

The Whomping Willow ... has just received some new fertilizer

The Whomping Willow ... likes chocolate-covered turnips with maple syrup

The Whomping Willow ... says she has sorted out that squirrel family

The Whomping Willow ... wants someone who understands

The Whomping Willow ... is currently seeing the Boisterous Birch

_Now you know ... The Whomping Willow_

Colin Creevey

Colin Creevey ... has now got a video camera

Colin Creevey ... likes this one cool shot he got

Colin Creevey ... says that Ron Weasley owes him for that slug picture

Colin Creevey ... wants a nude model

Colin Creevey ... is a very professional professional

_Now you know ... Colin Creevey_

Moaning Myrtle

Moaning Myrtle ... has forgiven Tom Riddle

Moaning Myrtle ... Likes Olive Hornby

Moaning Myrtle ... says nice things to people

Moaning Myrtle ... wants to know your skin secret

Moaning Myrtle ... is spreading joy and happiness

_Now you know ... Moaning Myrtle_

Godric Gryffindor

Godric Gryffindor ... has never liked red and gold

Godric Gryffindor ... likes smartness, but Rowena had it first

Godric Gryffindor ... says that the air-con is broken

Godric Gryffindor ... wants to prevents Helga telling you something

Godric Gryffindor ... is the Giant Squid

_Now you know ... Godric Gryffindor_

**...**

**A/N: Second apology chapter! Did I disclaim? Can't remember. I don't own this, just to recap. – Katie **


	19. The Nonexistant Nineteenth

**19. The Nonexistent Nineteenth – not existing, imaginary.**

Helga Hufflepuff

Helga Hufflepuff ... has been trying to inform you of the dress code

Helga Hufflepuff ... likes leopards

Helga Hufflepuff ... says she is over those rumours about Rowena and Salazar

Helga Hufflepuff ... wants to see if she could ask Salazar out

Helga Hufflepuff ... is currently blowing up the kitchens

_Now you know ... Helga Hufflepuff_

Rowena Ravenclaw

Rowena Ravenclaw ... has measure beyond wit

Rowena Ravenclaw ... likes that she beat Godric at something

Rowena Ravenclaw ... says that she totally didn't go out with Salazar

Rowena Ravenclaw ... wants a tricycle

Rowena Ravenclaw ... is scheming

_Now you know ... Rowena Ravenclaw_

Salazar Slytherin

Salazar Slytherin ... has always really liked red and gold

Salazar Slytherin ... likes sausages

Salazar Slytherin ... says that he totally did

Salazar Slytherin ... wants some meat

Salazar Slytherin ... awake, even though it's 5 am

_Now you know ... Salazar Slytherin_

Ernie Macmillan

Ernie Macmillan ... has never in his life had pickles

Ernie Macmillan ... likes muggle studies

Ernie Macmillan ... says that he did not dismantle that industrial carpet cleaner

Ernie Macmillan ... wants something from you

Ernie Macmillan ... is investigating the scene of the crime

_Now you know ... Ernie Macmilan_

Aurora Sinistra

Aurora Sinistra ... has always wanted to live in Egypt

Aurora Sinistra ... likes the pyramids

Aurora Sinistra ... says she isn't going to steal them

Aurora Sinistra ... wants a sharp thing

Aurora Sinistra ... sharpening her battleaxe

_Now you know ... Aurora Sinistra_

**...**

**A/N: Third apologetic chappie! Whenever I type apologetic I always accidently type 'al', why is this, I wonder? – Katie **


	20. The Titular Twentieth

**20. The Titular Twentieth – in name only**

Fawkes

Fawkes ... has been craving lettuce recently

Fawkes ... likes Mickey Mouse cartoons

Fawkes ... says that he was very sad when Albus died

Fawkes ... wants a new handbag

Fawkes ... is very concerned

_Now you know ... Fawkes_

Tom Riddle Jnr

Tom Riddle Jnr ... has no ambition whatsoever

Tom Riddle Jnr ... likes muggleborns and halfbreeds

Tom Riddle Jnr ... says that he loves you

Tom Riddle Jnr ... wants to work in Muggle-Worthy Excuses

Tom Riddle Jnr ... is eating

_Now you know ... Tom Riddle Jnr_

Armando Dippet

Armando Dippet ... has a desire to carve jack-o-lanterns

Armando Dippet ... likes waffles

Armando Dippet ... says he didn't eat those pancakes

Armando Dippet ... wants some French toast

Armando Dippet ... is having a mouthful

_Now you know ... Armando Dippet_

Penelope Clearwater

Penelope Clearwater ... has a red-head fetish

Penelope Clearwater ... likes to wear hats

Penelope Clearwater ... says that the first-years are t be cursed with consideration

Penelope Clearwater ... wants a new dentist

Penelope Clearwater ... is in no way liable for this

_Now you know ... Penelope Clearwater_

Aragog

Aragog ... has six legs

Aragog ... likes his toast buttered both sides

Aragog ... says that he hates students that have tissues in their pockets

Aragog ... wants some Hufflepuff pâté

Aragog ... is cultured and elegant

_Now you know ... Aragog_

**...**

**A/N: Last apology chappie! Enjoy! Check out my new poll!**


	21. The Factitious Twenty First

**21. The Factitious Twenty-First – artificial**

Stan Shunpike

Stan Shunpike ... has a handlebar moustache

Stan Shunpike ... likes French onion soup

Stan Shunpike ... says that Aston Martins suck

Stan Shunpike ... wants new uniforms

Stan Shunpike ... likes wondering where Neville Longbottom

_Now you know ... Stan Shunpike_

Ernie Prang

Ernie Prang ... has never taken a driving test

Ernie Prang ... likes that new car smell

Ernie Prang ... says that there is no need to panic

Ernie Prang ... wants to install a fridge-freezer

Ernie Prang ... is no genius

_Now you know ... Ernie Prang_

Crookshanks

Crookshanks ... has opened a Thai restaurant

Crookshanks ... likes the taste of pesticide

Crookshanks ... says that Sirius is guilty

Crookshanks ... wants to eat Peter Pettigrew

Crookshanks ... is being rather sarcastic lately

_Now you know ... Crooksanks_

Florean Fortescue

Florean Fortescue ... has no idea how to make ice-cream

Florean Fortescue ... likes the new nitro-glycerine flavour

Florean Fortescue ... says that what he previously said was taken wrongly

Florean Fortescue ... wants to know what happened to him

Florean Fortescue ... is puzzled

_Now you know ... Florean Fortescue_

Remus Lupin

Remus Lupin ... has nothing wrong with him at all

Remus Lupin ... likes the taste of Wolfsbane Potion

Remus Lupin ... says that he hated James Potter

Remus Lupin ... some steak

Remus Lupin ... not not human

_Now you know ... Remus Lupin_

**...**

**A/N: Well, here's this week's chappie. Also late. Not late enough to warrant an apology, though. See you soon. – Katie**


	22. The Soigné Twenty Second

**22. The Soign****é**** Twenty-Second – well groomed, elegant**

Sir Cadogan

Sir Cadogan ... has no shame

Sir Cadogan ... likes his porridge with honey and nails

Sir Cadogan ... says that it's actually very nice

Sir Cadogan ... wants you to have some

Sir Cadogan ... is enjoying some orange juice

_Now you know ... Sir Cadogan_

Sybil Trelawney

Sybil Trelawney ... has recently been to see the Inner Eye doctor

Sybil Trelawney ... likes her pet crystal ball

Sybil Trelawney ... says that the grim is strong in this one

Sybil Trelawney ... wants Hermione to stop disturbing her vibes

Sybil Trelawney ... is not smoking

_Now you know ... Sybil Trelawney_

Bilius Weasley

Bilius Weasley ... has never had cosmetic transfiguration

Bilius Weasley ... likes to pull flowers out of his unmentionables

Bilius Weasley ... says that these aren't the house elves you're looking for

Bilius Weasley ... wants to shoot black dogs

Bilius Weasley ... is using electronics at Hogwarts

_Now you know ... Bilius Weasley_

Buckbeak

Buckbeak ... has smething in his feathers

Buckbeak ... likes the ferrets he had last week

Buckbeak ... says that there was a glitch in the matrix in '94

Buckbeak ... wants an orange, please

Buckbeak ... is wearing stripes today

_Now you know ... Buckbeak_

Cedric Diggory

Cedric Diggory ... has discovered manicures

Cedric Diggory ... likes Lavender Brown

Cedric Diggory ... says that he has uncovered the secret of awesomeness

Cedric Diggory ... wants his dynamite sandwich

Cedric Diggory ... is a particularly good finders

_Now you know ... Cedric Diggory_

**...**

**A/N: Hey, I actually typed this up before Monday! Kudos for me! Now, I know I've put some blatant references in here. So what? (*I'm still a rock star*). Ha ha. Not. Is anyone here getting down on Friday? I'm not. Until next time. – Katie**


	23. The Theopneust Twenty Third

**23. The Theopneust Twenty-Third – divinely inspired**

Madam Rosmerta

Madam Rosmerta ... has been testing new flavours lately

Madam Rosmerta ... likes her shoes

Madam Rosmerta ... says that Ron's joke was actually pretty funny

Madam Rosmerta ... wants some more cucumber slices

Madam Rosmerta ... is seducing an unfortunate bystander

_Now you know ... Madam Rosmerta_

Cho Chang

Cho Chang ... has no toes

Cho Chang ... likes to go water-skiing in the Lake

Cho Chang ... says that she did like Harry, actually

Cho Chang ... wants you to try to disprove that

Cho Chang ... is attempting to abseil Ravenclaw Tower

_Now you know ... Cho Chang_

Tom Riddle Snr

Tom Riddle Snr ... has decided to return to Merope

Tom Riddle Snr ... likes to ride his horse

Tom Riddle Snr ... says Cecelia is breaking his heart

Tom Riddle Snr ... wants some more love potion

Tom Riddle Snr ... is not suffering mental trama

_Now you know ... Tom Riddle Snr_

Frank Bryce

Frank Bryce ... has never murdered people

Frank Bryce ... likes the smell of snakes

Frank Bryce ... says that he will not be returning in later books

Frank Bryce ... wants to apologize for it

Frank Bryce ... is currently hospitalised

_Now you know ... Frank Bryce_

Nagini

Nagini ... has two tongues

Nagini ... likes the taste of Muggle Studies teachers

Nagini ... says that parseltongue rocks

Nagini ... wants some ham

Nagini ... is having strange dreams of being a sleeping human

_Now you know ... Nagini_

**...**

**A/N: 'Sup? Did I post last Monday? Can't remember, will whoever has this story on alert PM me? Can whoever reads this far into this crappy story check out the poll on my profile. It's about what I should do next. I'm thinking about branching out of comedy and trying something new. – Katie**


	24. The Feuillemorte Twenty Fourth

**24. The Feuillemorte Twenty-Fourth – having the colour of a dead or faded leaf**

Bertha Jorkins

Bertha Jorkins ... has yet to realise what happened

Bertha Jorkins ... likes the Witch Weekly's scandals section

Bertha Jorkins ... says that someone did something

Bertha Jorkins ... wants something deep-fried and smothered in chocolate

Bertha Jorkins ... is developing magical deodorant

_Now you know ... Bertha Jorkins_

Pigwidgeon

Pigwidgeon ... has always wanted to try bacon

Pigwidgeon ... likes to inspect the rafters

Pigwidgeon ... says the rafters are rotting

Pigwidgeon ... wants a pepperoni and sand pizza

Pigwidgeon ... is a monster inside

_Now you know ... Pigwidgeon_

Alastor Moody

Alastor Moody ... has no sense of direction

Alastor Moody ... likes his paranoid bin

Alastor Moody ... says 'j'aime gateau'

Alastor Moody ... wants a chocolate mud cake

Alastor Moody ... is chilling in his trunck

_Now you know ... Alastor Moody_

Barty Crouch Snr

Barty Crouch Snr ... has a protruding nasal appendage

Barty Crouch Snr ... likes black jelly beans

Barty Crouch Snr ... says that the drapes are a train wreck

Barty Crouch Snr ... wants you to stand trial for that

Barty Crouch Snr ... is this morning's second failest person alive

_Now you know ... Barty Crouch Snr_

Ludo Bagman

Ludo Bagman ... has cleophobia

Ludo Bagman ... likes to wear lederhosen

Ludo Bagman ... says that he was unjustly assaulted by those goblins

Ludo Bagman ... wants to borrow a garter

Ludo Bagman ... is giving a pointless speech

_Now you know ... Ludo Bagman_

**...**

**A/N: This chapter is full to the brim of references. Out of curiosity, can anyone name all of them? A shout out to the faithful 'yellow 14', thanks for the reviews, dude. Oh yeah, everyone who likes a laugh, go check out 'funkyorange' and her awesome commentaries. Really. Seriously. Go. – Katie**


	25. The Furciferous Twenty Fifth

**25. The Furciferous Twenty-Fifth – like a rascal**

Viktor Krum

Viktor Krum ... has a jealousy issue

Viktor Krum ... likes procrastinating

Viktor Krum ... says he is quitting pro Quidditch

Viktor Krum ... wants your serve of pudding

Viktor Krum ... is making no money whatsoever

_Now you know ... Viktor Krum_

Amos Diggory

Amos Diggory ... has a hot-water bottle on hand

Amos Diggory ... likes the way you tell untruths

Amos Diggory ... says that his cat is developing a psychosis

Amos Diggory ... wants Harry to win

Amos Diggory ... is cultivating his fungi collection

_Now you know ... Amos Diggory_

Winky

Winky ... has been looking for new work

Winky ... likes Dobby's new portable DVD player

Winky ... says she totally meant to do whatever is it that you're saying she did

Winky ... wants a paddling pool

Winky ... is visiting the optometrist

_Now you know ... Winky_

Narcissa Malfoy

Narcissa Malfoy ... has no way of telling Lucius she'd ordering in

Narcissa Malfoy ... likes her bungalow in Brisbane

Narcissa Malfoy ... says she's back on the market

Narcissa Malfoy ... wants to visit Pluto next Christmas

Narcissa Malfoy ... is in Mexico if you need her

_Now you know ... Narcissa Malfoy_

Olympe Maxime

Olympe Maxime ... has a nice view from her office

Olympe Maxime ... likes the blue fireplace

Olympe Maxime ... says that she's fine with only two extra portions

Olympe Maxime ... wants the students to stop rioting

Olympe Maxime ... is trying to remember her office door lock combination

_Now you know ... Olympe Maxime_

**...**

**A/N: Yeah, there was a chapter on Saturday. What can I say? I had no homework and I was bored because I have no life and therefore am not doing anything with my friends. Happy Monday. – Katie**


	26. The Selcouth Twenty Sixth

**26. The Selcouth Twenty-Sixth – unfamiliar, rare, strange, marvellous, wonderful**

Rita Skeeter

Rita Skeeter ... has been telling the truth

Rita Skeeter ... likes that fact

Rita Skeeter ... says that she used to be a very mean person

Rita Skeeter ... wants you to tell her everything you're comfortable with

Rita Skeeter ... is a nice person

_Now you know ... Rita Skeeter_

Igor Karkaroff

Igor Karkaroff ... has been tracking down You-Know-Who

Igor Karkaroff ... likes Severus Snape

Igor Karkaroff ... says that Poliakoff is such a clean eater

Igor Karkaroff ... wants a promotion

Igor Karkaroff ... is ready for it

_Now you know ... Igor Karkaroff_

Fleur Delacour

Fleur Delacour ... has a taste for human flesh

Fleur Delacour ... likes to seduce people

Fleur Delacour ... says no one is low enough to escape her

Fleur Delacour ... wants a new man

Fleur Delacour ... is inspecting the bed's wood

_Now you know ... Fleur Delacour_

Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank

Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank ... has been taking badly put together classes

Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank ... likes to make cute, wooden statuettes

Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank ... says yes to questions in general

Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank ... wants a Mars Bar

Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank ... is watching Toy Story

_Now you know ... Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank_

Gabrielle Delacour

Gabrielle Delacour ... has never liked Fleur anyway

Gabrielle Delacour ... likes Belgian chocolates

Gabrielle Delacour ... says that she did not steal that bra

Gabrielle Delacour ... wants something with sugar in it

Gabrielle Delacour ... is not a good role model

_Now you know ... Gabrielle Delacour_

**...**

**A/N: Yes, late I know. Apology chappie's on the way. Vote in the poll, please. – Katie**


	27. The Scelestious Twenty Seventh

**27. The Scelestious Twenty-Seventh – wicked**

Barty Crouch Jnr

Barty Crouch Jnr ... has a volcano in his bathroom

Barty Crouch Jnr ... likes the new Playstation

Barty Crouch Jnr ... says that his spoon is too big

Barty Crouch Jnr ... wants some peanut butter

Barty Crouch Jnr ... is playing the clarinet

_Now you know ... Barty Crouch Jnr_

Bellatrix Lestrange

Bellatrix Lestrange ... has been taking a St. Mungo's healer apprenticeship

Bellatrix Lestrange ... likes the sound of birdsong

Bellatrix Lestrange ... says that the Longbottom incident was purely accidental

Bellatrix Lestrange ... wants nothing but gratitude in return

Bellatrix Lestrange ... is a delightful person

_Now you know ... Bellatrix Lestrange_

Rudolphus Lestrange

Rudolphus Lestrange ... has been jealous of Voldemort lately

Rudolphus Lestrange ... likes his recent meetings with Mrs. Bones

Rudolphus Lestrange ... says that he doesn't know what that was

Rudolphus Lestrange ... wants to deny his guilt

Rudolphus Lestrange ... is indulging himself

_Now you know ... Rudolphus Lestrange_

Antonin Dolohov

Antonin Dolohov ... has been plotting Ronald Weasley's murder

Antonin Dolohov ... likes the taste of revenge served warm

Antonin Dolohov ... says that what happened in March '97 was entirely his fault

Antonin Dolohov ... wants you to believe that

Antonin Dolohov ... is raising his eyebrows at you

_Now you know ... Antonin Dolohov_

Augustus Rookwood

Augustus Rookwood ... has never spoken

Augustus Rookwood ... likes Albus Dumbledore's lemon drops

Augustus Rookwood ... says that they could do with some sugar though

Augustus Rookwood ... wants the right to remain silent

Augustus Rookwood ... is opening a spa in France

_Now you know ... Augustus Rookwood_

**...**

**A/N: OOOHHHH! The Death Eater chappie, nice apology, eh? A note for the last chapter, I do not endorse Snape/Karkaroff slash. But now, it's out there, I dare someone to send me a good slash fic about them. What? I'm open minded. Vote in the poll. – Katie**


	28. The Ergophobic Twenty Eighth

**28. The Ergophobic Twenty-Eighth – someone who is afraid of work**

Frank Longbottom

Frank Longbottom ... has been considered one of the finest wizarding minds ever

Frank Longbottom ... likes to study astrophysics

Frank Longbottom ... says that he was at a very nice convention last week

Frank Longbottom ... wants you to repeat that slowly and to enunciate

Frank Longbottom ... is performing medical miracles

_Now you know ... Frank Longbottom_

Alice Longbottom

Alice Longbottom ... has worry lines forming

Alice Longbottom ... likes to totally restrict her son's freedom

Alice Longbottom ... says that he needs it

Alice Longbottom ... wants to write a New York Times bestseller

Alice Longbottom ... is the next Molly Weasley

_Now you know ... Alice Longbottom_

Mundungus Fletcher

Mundungus Fletcher ... has paid for everything

Mundungus Fletcher ... likes to g shopping in Hogsmeade

Mundungus Fletcher ... says his prices are extortionate at all

Mundungus Fletcher ... wants you to buy his working items

Mundungus Fletcher ... is being perfectly honest

_Now you know ... Mundungus Fletcher_

Nymphadora Tonks

Nymphadora Tonks ... has maintained her flat, grey hairstyle

Nymphadora Tonks ... likes to go to her weekly bridge club

Nymphadora Tonks ... says that you should keep that look

Nymphadora Tonks ... wants to stay with her conservative look

Nymphadora Tonks ... is thinking of buying a desk planner

_Now you know ... Nymphadora Tonks_

Kingsley Shaklebolt

Kingsley Shaklebolt ... has just returned from the spa

Kingsley Shaklebolt ... likes the taste of the new scented cucumber slices

Kingsley Shaklebolt ... says that Tonks should try the mud baths

Kingsley Shaklebolt ... wants to afford the premium membership

Kingsley Shaklebolt ... is just chillin', man

_Now you know ... Kingsley Shaklebolt_

**...A/N: Good guy chappie! Well, mostly... does Dung count? Probably. I think he does. So sue me. Happy 13****th****. Vote in the poll. – Katie**


	29. The Nod Crafty Twenty Ninth

**29. The Nod-crafty Twenty-Ninth – able to nod with great wisdom**

Elphias Doge

Elphias Doge ... has just walked into Mordor

Elphias Doge ... likes to casually defeat the forces of evil

Elphias Doge ... says that it's really quite easy

Elphias Doge ... wants to try that out

Elphias Doge ... is poking Chuck Norris

_Now you know ... Elphias Doge_

Emmeline Vance

Emmeline Vance ... has officially changed her name to Nintendo Gameboy

Emmeline Vance ... likes the 'A' button more

Emmeline Vance ... says your rear wall is unprotected

Emmeline Vance ... wants to get more coins

Emmeline Vance ... is in her room with the lights off and the curtains closed

_Now you know ... Emmeline Vance_

Sturgis Podmore

Sturgis Podmore ... has purchased another brick of lead

Sturgis Podmore ... likes the smell of bronze in the late afternoon

Sturgis Podmore ... says he would like your silver plates

Sturgis Podmore ... wants his titanium mould back

Sturgis Podmore ... is studying big rocks

_Now you know ... Sturgis Podmore_

Hestia Jones

Hestia Jones ... has never been to medical school

Hestia Jones ... likes sharp things

Hestia Jones ... says that she actually has been to doctor college

Hestia Jones ... wants them to send her her diploma

Hestia Jones ... is very irate

_Now you know ... Hestia Jones_

Kreacher

Kreacher ... has been sent down the road for coffee

Kreacher ... likes to serve people with a smile

Kreacher ... says you should order soon

Kreacher ... wants no breaks for the rest of his shift

Kreacher ... is carrying your drinks

_Now you know ... Kreacher_

**...**

**A/N: I don't own the Gameboy copyright. Cool? Deathly Hallows Part 2 is gonna be epic! Elliot is weird sounding name, but if I was a guy, I'd be okay with that being my name, you know? Is there anyone out there called Elliot?**


	30. The Temulent Thirtieth

**30. The Temulent Thirtieth – drunken or intoxicating**

Walburga Black

Walburga Black ... has a perfect son

Walburga Black ... likes to reprimand people in a reasonable voice

Walburga Black ... says that everyone is welcome in her home

Walburga Black ... wants you to dust the mantle, thanks

Walburga Black ... is perfectly happy

_Now you know ... Walburga Black_

Regulus Black

Regulus Black ... has recently had a heart transplant

Regulus Black ... likes his new locket

Regulus Black ... says that the Dark Mark was going out of fashion anyway

Regulus Black ... wants laser skin therapy

Regulus Black ... is wearing a striped sweater

_Now you know ... Regulus Black_

Phineas Nigellus

Phineas Nigellus ... has been re-arranging his pig-sty

Phineas Nigellus ... likes the feel of mud on his skin

Phineas Nigellus ... says that your filth is spread on thickly enough

Phineas Nigellus ... wants to enlarge his plot of land

Phineas Nigellus ... is stuck in the council line

_Now you know ... Phineas Nigellus_

Andromeda Tonks

Andromeda Tonks ... has decided to return to her family

Andromeda Tonks ... likes chips with mayonnaise

Andromeda Tonks ... says that Bellatrix is actually really nce

Andromeda Tonks ... wants her daughter to marry Remus Lupin

Andromeda Tonks ... is full of approval

_Now you know ... Andromeda Tonks_

Ted Tonks

Ted Tonks ... has the world record for most children sired

Ted Tonks ... likes his middle child best

Ted Tonks ... says he only has one illegitimate child

Ted Tonks ... wants you to lower your eyebrow

Ted Tonks ... is speaking into a walkie-talkie

_Now you know ... Ted Tonks_

**...**

**A/N: I ran out of NYKs that I wrote on holiday at Andromeda. I wrote a LOT. It's boring driving through the outback, okay? I should just say, any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidence. UNLESS, I otherwise specify. –Katie**


	31. The Flosculous Thirty First

**31. The Flosculous Thirty-First – like a flower**

Rastaban Lestrange

Rastaban Lestrange ... has been very lonely

Rastaban Lestrange ... likes stupid girls

Rastaban Lestrange ... says so what?

Rastaban Lestrange ... wants to be sober

Rastaban Lestrange ... is just like a pill

_Now you know ... Rastaban Lestrange_

Stubby Boardman

Stubby Boardman ... has gotten the doughnuts

Stubby Boardman ... likes his band

Stubby Boardman ... says it should have been called Stubby Boardman And The Other Guys

Stubby Boardman ... wants to have another date

Stubby Boardman ... is really very alright

_Now you know ... Stubby Boardman_

Rufus Scrimgeor

Rufus Scrimgeor ... has been a naughty boy

Rufus Scrimgeor ... likes the cookies

Rufus Scrimgeor ... says he's ready for his castor oil

Rufus Scrimgeor ... wants a story

Rufus Scrimgeor ... is tying his shoes all by himself

_Now you know ... Rufus Scrimgeor_

Amelia Bones

Amelia Bones ... has been in America recently

Amelia Bones ... likes to solve crime

Amelia Bones ... says that she deserves to be an inspector

Amelia Bones ... wants a bigger magnifying glass

Amelia Bones ... is interested in your cousin

_Now you know ... Amelia Bones_

Dolores Umbridge

Dolores Umbridge ... has been wearing a catsuit

Dolores Umbridge ... likes your feather duster

Dolores Umbridge ... says that your detention has been cancelled

Dolores Umbridge ... wants you to get her something black for her birthday

Dolores Umbridge ... is revolutionising

_Now you know ... Dolores Umbridge_

**...**

**A/N: Nigel Thornberry is back! Who else got totally over-excited? Oh... just me? Ok then. Sorry this late. Peace out. Vote in the poll for my next endeavour. – Katie**


	32. The Scacchic Thirty Second

**32. The Scacchic Thirty-Second – of or pertaining to chess**

Marlene McKinnon

Marlene McKinnon ... has never donated to charity

Marlene McKinnon ... likes her old stove just fine

Marlene McKinnon ... says that you shouldn't be throwing money like that around

Marlene McKinnon ... wants her Christmas bonus

Marlene McKinnon ... is pinching pennies

_Now you know ... Marlene McKinnon_

Benjy Fenwick

Benjy Fenwick ... has pyromania

Benjy Fenwick ... likes to set fire to Styrofoam

Benjy Fenwick ... says that it's pretty

Benjy Fenwick ... wants you to light the fuse

Benjy Fenwick ... is giggling

_Now you know ... Benjy Fenwick_

Gideon Prewett

Gideon Prewett ... has a funny feeling about Fabien

Gideon Prewett ... likes to spin plates unsupervised

Gideon Prewett ... says that you should watch out for Fabien

Gideon Prewett ... wants to join clown college

Gideon Prewett ... is very amused

_Now you know ... Gideon Prewett_

Fabien Prewett

Fabien Prewett ... has a psychic sensation about Gideon

Fabien Prewett ... likes to play with his Diabolo

Fabien Prewett ... says that you should look around for ideon

Fabien Prewett ... wants to learn under Ronald McDonald

Fabien Prewett ... is practising his frown

_Now you know ... Fabien Prewett_

Aberforth Dumbledore

Aberforth Dumbledore ... has been working on his forty-ninth full length novel

Aberforth Dumbledore ... likes to read heavy magical law books

Aberforth Dumbledore ... says that he is interested in the anatomy of goats

Aberforth Dumbledore ... wants to go to university

Aberforth Dumbledore ... is working on his Arithmancy project

_Now you know ... Aberforth Dumbledore_

**...**

**A/N: I am so late and there is no excuse. Sorry, my procrastination procrastinated procrastinating. There are two more chappies to make up for my horribleness.**


	33. The Trichechine Thirty Third

**33. The Trichechine Thirty-Third – like a walrus**

Dorcas Meadowes

Dorcas Meadowes ... has been charged with burglary (non-dwelling)

Dorcas Meadowes ... likes her parole officer

Dorcas Meadowes ... says that it was only a tent

Dorcas Meadowes ... wants to get off lightly

Dorcas Meadowes ... is not likely to get off lightly

_Now you know ... Dorcas Meadowes_

Luna Lovegood

Luna Lovegood ... has never believed in Crumple-Horned Snorkacks

Luna Lovegood ... likes Hogwarts: A History

Luna Lovegood ... says that if you've never seen it, it doesn't exist

Luna Lovegood ... wants a kitten for Easter

Luna Lovegood ... is too busy conforming

_Now you now ... Luna Lovegood_

Anthony Goldstein

Anthony Goldstein ... has secretly been feeding information to The Instruct of the Fiery Birds

Anthony Goldstein ... likes to torture people for the lies

Anthony Goldstein ... says that he is guilty as a clam with four socks

Anthony Goldstein ... wants to cook you a rare steak that you won't enjoy at all

Anthony Goldstein ... is a pro evil dude

_Now you know ... Anthony Goldstein_

Michael Corner

Michael Corner ... has been pining for Ginny

Michael Corner ... likes to write depressive poetry

Michael Corner ... says that he would go to the ends of the Earth for her

Michael Corner ... wants permission to stand under the Astronomy Tower and sing love songs

Michael Corner ... is sighing

_Now you know ... Michael Corner_

Zacharias Smith

Zacharias Smith ... has never been to Hogsmeade

Zacharias Smith ... likes to hide in the dungeons

Zacharias Smith ... says that he has totally seen daylight

Zacharias Smith ... wants you to stop pestering him

Zacharias Smith ... is practising his 'glowing animal eyes from the dark' stare

_Now you know ... Zacharias Smith_

**...**

**A/N: You know what's really weird? 'I'm Being Followed By A Moonshadow' by Cat Stevens. It's almost as weird as 'The Laughing Gnome' by David Bowie. What the hell is a moonshadow and why is it so damn intent on following Cat Stevens. Any theories? Vote in poll. – Katie**


	34. The Thwarterous Thirty Forth

**34. The Thwarterous Thirty-Forth – twisted, gnarled**

Marietta Edgecomb

Marietta Edgecomb ... has never regretted ratting out the DA

Marietta Edgecomb ... likes to spy using Omnioculars

Marietta Edgecomb ... says that you should too

Marietta Edgecomb ... wants to stick her nose in the air

Marietta Edgecomb ... is aware that that isn't a good idea

_Now you know ... Marietta Edgecomb_

Madam Puddifoot

Madam Puddifoot ... has just demolished her restaurant

Madam Puddifoot ... likes her new shop

Madam Puddifoot ... says emo isn't necessarily evil and bloody

Madam Puddifoot ... wants her customer to be able to express themselves

Madam Puddifoot ... is using way too much white foundation

_Now you know ... Madam Puddifoot_

Grawp

Grawp ... has been reading up on Shakespeare

Grawp ... likes Much Ado About Nothing the most

Grawp ... says that thou shalt read through with him

Grawp ... wants the script to The Merry Wives Of Windsor

Grawp ... is getting fitted

_Now you know ... Grawp_

Magorian

Magorian ... has captured Tweety Bird

Magorian ... likes the help of Sylvester

Magorian ... says 'he taught he taw a puddy tat'

Magorian ... wants the good old days back

Magorian ... is now plotting how to capture a rather delicious looking cat

_Now you know ... Magorian_

Daphne Greengrass

Daphne Greengrass ... has no inclination to even associate with you

Daphne Greengrass ... likes fellow blondes

Daphne Greengrass ... says that you, you, you, you, and even you aren't worthy to talk to her

Daphne Greengrass ... wants you to stop touching her

Daphne Greengrass ... is showering for the hundred and forty-eighth time

_Now you know ... Daphne Greengrass_

**...**

**A/N: It's nearly eleven and I've got school tomorrow. Bleagh. It's nearing the end guys. I feel sad, this is the first long term project I've ever had. I thought it went well. I also thought about doing a User's Manuel for the main characters. What do you guys think? – Katie**


	35. The Flexanimous Thirty Fifth

**35. The Flexanimous Thirty-Fifth – having the power to influence**

Horace Slughorn

Horace Slughorn … has no idea what you're talking about

Horace Slughorn … likes to try experimental amnesia cures

Horace Slughorn … says he can't remember anything up until the banana

Horace Slughorn … wants to exit St Mungo's

Horace Slughorn … is concentrating

_Now you know … Horace Slughorn_

Romilda Vane

Romilda Vane … has been stealing Hermione's lingerie that Justin stole

Romilda Vane … likes to keep her list of plots to get Harry in her desk in Professor Burbage's room

Romilda Vane … says that she doesn't lust after Harry like a rabid dog

Romilda Vane … wants some more WonderWitch

Romilda Vane … is sure it will work this time

_Now you know … _Romilda Vane

Cormac McLaggen

Cormac McLaggen … has had disturbing dreams about Hermione

Cormac McLaggen … likes to infiltrate Gryffindor's ladies' room

Cormac McLaggen … says he walked in there accidently

Cormac McLaggen … wants to seduce she of the bushy brown locks

Cormac McLaggen … is purchasing Omnioculars

_Now you know … Cormac McLaggen_

Amycus Carrow

Amycus Carrow … has six fingers on his right hand

Amycus Carrow … likes to kill people's fathers

Amycus Carrow … says that he shall certainly prepare to die

Amycus Carrow … wants to have a quick cup of coffee first

Amycus Carrow … is batting this really weird guy with a sword

_Now you know … Amycus Carrow_

Alecto Carrow

Alecto Carrow … has been combing her hair for quite a while now

Alecto Carrow … likes Palmolive better than Head 'n' Shoulders

Alecto Carrow … says she'll show you how to do your eyeshadow

Alecto Carrow … wants some of your foundation

Alecto Carrow … is applying mascara

_Now you know … Alecto Carrow_

…

**A/N: Hey everyone! Yes, I've been on hiatus. My excuses are that my laptop crashed, and then the replacement computer had such crappy RAM, I couldn't load ANY software onto it. I'm just posting the next chapter and then we're done. It's bit saddening. – Katie**


	36. The Finifugal Final

**36. The Finifugal Final – shunning the end**

Fenir Greyback

Fenrir Greyback … has been regretting biting Remus

Fenrir Greyback … likes that Remus isn't too pissed

Fenrir Greyback … says that he's sorry

Fenrir Greyback … wants to be best friends

Fenrir Greyback … is receiving anger management

_Now you know … Fenrir Greyback_

Morfin Gaunt

Morfin Gaunt … has been playing hide and seek with Bubbles

Morfin Gaunt … likes to croon soothingly

Morfin Gaunt … says that he would never kill Bubbles

Morfin Gaunt … wants to kill you for suggesting it

Morfin Gaunt … is sharpening a knife

_Now you know … Morfin Gaunt_

Marvolo Gaunt

Marvolo Gaunt … has never hit his daughter

Marvolo Gaunt … likes his son less

Marvolo Gaunt … says that he loves his darling children equally

Marvolo Gaunt … wants Merope to go to Hogwarts

Marvolo Gaunt … is doting on his grandson

_Now you know … Marvolo Guant_

Merope Gaunt

Merope Gaunt … has become the universe's most powerful being

Merope Gaunt … likes to casually raze regions of Europe

Merope Gaunt … says that no one will ever get in her way

Merope Gaunt … wants Tom Riddle Snr to stop begging at her

Merope Gaunt … is busy destroying the world

_Now you know … Merope Gaunt_

Wilkie Twycross

Wilkie Twycross … has been working up the courage to ask Miss Granger an important question

Wilkie Twycross … likes to think with determination

Wilkie Twycross … says you should move with deliberation

Wilkie Twycross … wants to come to his destination

Wilkie Twycross … is splinched

_Now you know … Wilkie Twycross_

…**..**

**A/N: Well… that's all folks. That's it. The end. I can't believe it. I'd like to make one last shout out to yellow 14, for being that one every chapter reviewer that made me plough on with this. If you've got me on alert, see you next fic. All is well. – Katie**


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